"Spam Me Baby" (C) 1999 - Help Systems Publications

[bracketed lyrics optional as appropriate to music;
suggested tunes: verses, "Outside Woman Blues";
chorus/refrain, "Help Me" or "Rock Me Baby"; or an
improvisation on these]

I can hack the IRS and get my taxes down to zip,
But it don't mean a thing without your electronic lip[s].
You flipped my right paren around,
Changed my smiley to a frown.
[Yeah, you know I'm feelin' down.]
None of my e-mail comes from you.

I've been pinging your provider, and it's always been online,
But only the scams and porno sites care to drop me a line.
I got no kick against UCE,
But it's your sig that I wanna see.
[Don't know why you ain't spammin' me.]
Baby, I've been missing you.

I want you to spam me, Baby -
Spam me all day long.
Why don't you spam me, Baby?
Tell me, what did I do wrong?
C'mon now spam me, Baby,
And bring my POP3 server down.

I've been writing in your guestbook, but it don't do no good,
'Cause I feel like the loneliest geek in the cyberhood.
All I have is a static memory
Of the way things used to be.
[You won't spam me or set me free.]
What am I supposed to do?

You could send me the "Good Times" virus, maybe something a bit obscene.
I wish you'd sponsor me into your multi-lovin' scheme.
Just send me a postcard from BMA.
Baby that would make my day.
[But no matter what you say,]
Please tell that me we're not through.

I want you to spam me, Baby -
Spam me all night long.
Why don't you spam me, Baby?
What in the world did I do wrong?
Won't you spam me, Baby,
And bring my POP3 server down?

I've upgraded my computer, added gigs on top of gigs,
But I just hit delete when I see all those other sigs,
Don't care what "The Next Superstock" might do.
All I want is a disk full of spam from you.
[An archive on my zip-drive, too.]
Don't you know that I love you?

I've been spamming you for weeks now, but I never got one reply.
I CC'ed you at Hotmail and Yahoo, too - no, I ain't gonna lie.
You even ignore the IM's that I send.
Maybe I'm dense, but I don't understand
[Why you won't let me be your man, and]
Why you treat me like you do.

I want you to spam me, Baby -
Spam me all week long.
Why don't you spam me, Baby?
What the hell did I do wrong?
Won't you spam me, Baby,
And bring the whole damn system down?